Wednesday, 16 March 2016

#Budget 2016 Live news report stream from Meerkovo

Live transcript courtesy of  MBC ( Meerkat Broadcasting Company)

12.30 p.m.

(To cheers from the Government benches of Meerkats brandishing whitepapers Chancellor of Exchequor Aleksandr Orlov stands on hind legs to address the Common House of meerkats in Westmeerster, Meerkovo)

Fellow Meerkats This my eighth Budget amid  strengthening economic recovery, with inflation falling and growth this year projected to be among the strongest of any Western economy.

The latest Meerkat  official figures show unemployment fell to 1.6 milllion this January

Chancellor Aleksandr outside No 11 door
 in Downings  Prospekt
But my fellow meerkats our jobbing  far from done. ( Much meerkat murmurings and noddings) 

 To support resilient economy we focusing on boosting economic securities and meerkat aspirations.

We supporting those subjected to floods in North West Meercova District of Lakes with extra financial helpings.

12.45 pm.

Business groups like CMI ( Confederation of Meerkovan Industry) have forecast that  Meerkova’s total economic output will exceed its pre-recession peakings second quarter of 2014,  economy growing continuously. 

(Much Opposition Mongoose hecklings - ‘ what about  meerkat maisonette  budgets being squeezed as prices continue to rise faster than meerkat wages.?? Further attacks of Public sectorings etc.)

"Orderings! Orderings !" shouts Speaker  Berkova.

Chancellor Orlov continues "Some meerkat ministers have  expressed me concerns that recovery being driven by debt-fuelled consumption and  boom in meerkat maisonette  prices in the capital and the south of Meerkova. ( let alone arguments for Remains and Brexits)

I increasing stamping duty on firms who bought up empty  properties.
1 pm .

To them I saying  “ You Fellow  meerkatsHS2 if you want to, but this  meerkat not for turning”  as Maggie Meerkat might have said. ( Much paper waving and Meerkat mirthings) Your meerkat mansions will be cheaper on rail line.

We will be helping industry with fuel bills so long as Vladimir EEDYev does not switching off supply.

"Mr Speaker, this Budgeting rewards hard working meerkat families.

In additionings we will provide childcare subsidy for all hardworking families with little Olegs to raise,

Additional fundings to Schoolings for  Teacher Maiya and  for the future of Merkova,-  our  precious Ivanovskia, Petrov, Oleg, Stolpocha, Alena and Pete. From now on to be called Acadimis.

The amount of income for hardworking  meerkatfamily will receive tax-free is raised above £10,000.

Our country is going to earn its way in  world.

There no other roads to recovery.

1.15 pm.

It unashamedly back SME meerkating businesses like Uncle Yakov  the Toymaker.

And it is on  side of aspirations: those  meerkats who want to do better for themselves and their little meerkats in families with their cutie Bodgans and Peters.

This Budget reaffirms our unwavering commitment to deal with our country’s record debts inherited from the Mongooses opposite. ( Much screeching and hissing from Mongooses)

But because Sergei and I have already taken difficult decisions, this can also be reforming Budget that seeks to repair  disastrous model of economic growth that created those debts from  Mongooses party opposite.

( Further Booing and screeching from opposition benches)

1.25 pm. 

A model that saw manufacturing almost halve as share of our national economy, while the national debts doubled.

( Supportive 'hear ! hearings! from coalition benches with much noddings)

Mr  Speaker, this is how Merkova will earn its way in the world: with far reachings tax reform.

With simples tax system, where ordinary taxpayers understand what they are being asked to pay.

Chancellor Aleksandr outside No 11 door
 in Downings  Prospekt
With  tax system that is more competitive for meerkating businesses than any other major economy in  world. Take my Googlings and Bookface tax successes. (Much sarcastic laughings by Mongooses opposite)

A tax system where millions of  lowest paid meerkats are lifted out of tax altogether, while the tax revenues we get from  wealthiest increase.

( Cheers all  around the house apart from Meerkat oligarchs who are noticeably silent)

But reforming tax is only part of  story.

We will earn our way in  world by saying to all businesses – large and small: We will provide you with  modern infrastructure; new growth-friendly planning rules and employment laws; the kinds of schools and universities and colleges our future meerkat workforce needs.

And in return, you, Meerkova businesses, have  self-confidence to: invest, expand, hire, innovate and be best meerkats.

We earn our way in the world if we stop being afraid to identify Meerkova's strengths and reinforce them, backing industries, like aerospacey, energies and undersea engineering, creative media like my compare the meerkat commercials and  Sergei's science Tricep2.

A deliberate strategy to create  more balanced national economy, where financial services are strong, but they are not only string to bows

1.27 pm
Our Government is missing target by the end of this parliament on two measures so I moving goalposts.

We  taxing  wealthy meerkats and those hot beetle juice shops such as Starbeetles, search enginings provider and long tail distribution houses like Snoutbook who pay little or no corporations tax  and especially capping excessive bankings bonusings.

( Much meerkat head noddings)

Chancellor Aleksandr outside No 11 door
 in Downings  Prospekt

A simpler tax code.

And country where its meerkats know  tax they are paying – and what they are paying it for.

Sergei and I have achieved all this – and kept to our deficit plan - more or lessings.

Let us be resolved.

No meerkats will strive as Meerkova will strive.

No country will adapt as Meerkovans will adapt.

No country will value those who work as we will value them.

Together, Meerkovan’s will share in the effort and share  rewards.

Meerkova borrowed its way into trouble.

Now we going to earn our ways out with  our new twelve sided  thr'penny bitcoins

The message from this Budgeting is Meerkats have earned it; Meerkats have saved it. I am stealthy and you are healthy"

I commend this Budgeting to House"

1.30 Chancellor Orlovs sits down
(Rapturous applaudings  and cheerings. Chancellor Orlov  is patted on shoulder by Sergei)

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